• Nancy I. Bagley

4 Reasons Not To Get Married Before 30


Lately, society and the media want you to settle down and get married by the age of 30, have babies, and live happily ever after. Even some experts had a "brilliant' idea to make a television show about marrying 25 year-old people off before they've even met.


Let's explore why I think this is a crappy idea.


1. You don't even know who the fuck you are and what you want yet.

Most millennials are still "finding" themselves and chasing tail to even think about a mortgage, what family healthcare plan to choose, or which area has the highest school rating. They see something shiny and want to play with it until something better comes along. Employment choices are limited unless you land a job right after college or are an entrepreneur. Even then, you gotta hustle 24/7 and who's going to sit at home waiting for you to maybe remember they exist? Now, my eldest son (late 20's) got his shit together in his teens, went into the military, got married, and has a great job in the financial field. He's the exception. My youngest son has a brilliant entrepreneurial spirit and loves getting his hands dirty, but lets any blonde with a big ass dictate what he does for a living or where he lives. I can't tell you how many opportunities he's passed up because of a piece of ass disguised as love. If he's reading this, know I love you and I get that you crave a "real" relationship, but until you figure out who you are and what you want in the long run, all your relationships are going to be short lived and leave you more broken than before. Moving on.


2. What do you know about long-term commitments?

Marriage isn't like a cellular plan you can get out of after a 2-year contract and switch to a new network--even though divorce has made it more possible. There are certain relationships that are toxic and abusive that you should get out of straight away. Had you had the right tools during the 'courting" stage, you would've seen the red flags and ran the other fucking way. I get it, I've been there blinded by sexual attraction, straight teeth, and covered in tattoos. Being under the age of 30 really doesn't give you the experience or life lessons needed to forge a long-term successful relationship. It's a LONG-TERM commitment. We're talking about NOT wanting to poison each other, traveling together without fighting, agreeing on how to raise our children, shared finances, attending the same church, knowing each others personality type and love languages, being in the same nursing home or retiring to Florida? Shit like this needs to be addressed before putting a ring on it--especially before walking down that aisle. You both have to ask the tough questions and be transparent with your answers. I know so many friends and former clients that are miserable in their marriages because they didn't ask the important questions prior to saying "I do".


3. You don't realize how much hard work goes into marriage

So many people have a misconceived notion that once they get married, everything will fall into place. They'll learn to love this or tolerate that. Trust me, I fell victim to this stupid logic. I have a list of qualities my mate had to possess before I would even consider going on a date with them. I don't like to waste my time, energy, or make-up for someone I had no interest in pursuing past dessert. In some situations, opposites can attract and be a good balance. But when the differences are too great to overlook, you have to cut your losses. For instance, I broke up with a guy because he was allergic to onions. That may seem odd to you but I wasn't going to change years of perfecting my culinary skills to cater to his dietary restrictions. Would you marry a vegetarian if you love steak?! Hell no! I get a lot of shade from family and friends telling me I have to compromise and take what I can get. Fuck that. There are 7 billion people on the planet and I'm sure I can find one man who loves onions.


4. You don't marry a trophy

If you think you found the perfect person that looks good on your arm or in your bed, don't think this has to be the one for you. Trophies need polished and require a lot of upkeep. Over time, they get tarnished and off to find another one to replace it (you). Millennials don't yet realize that people change, dreams change, goals change--looks change. Relationships take work, patience, understanding, communication, and the ability to agree to disagree. You'll have to accept that good looking human farts in bed, scrapes their fork on china, clips their toenails in the living room, and goes without grooming for days. What good is pretty wrapping paper if nothing's in the box? I don't care how good looking you are, if you can't hold an intelligent conversation, we're done here.


Conclusion

Getting back to the going in blind marriages on television, what the experts fail to do every week is to dive into the deep question of why these youngsters feel they need to be married before a certain age. I have a Masters in Forensic Psychology and have been a personal development coach for almost 8 years. Even I know where the experts lack the fundamentals to help these couples. Now I know we don't get to see all the interviews and hear everything that's being said before the hosts make their matches. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with people under 30 getting married before they even know who they are and what they want in the long run? The show should be for people over 40 on their second marriage. Just a thought.


You have time. There's no magical age that is given to be married. Figure out who you are first and what type of person you want in your life, but don't make them your life. Be selective, set boundaries, get some balls, and be with someone you want-- not someone you think you need.




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